It is very important to have an I.C.E card, 'in case of an emergency'. This is a card that will let a Dr. know important information during an emergency or a time when you can't remember important information.
Making this kind of card is easy. It should be the size of your driver's licence preferably laminated. Write or print your name, Dr.(s) information, emergency contact person, allergies, medication your on and any other medical information you think is relevant.
I know in Canada and the USA that Dr's will look for this information in your wallet behind your drivers licence. If you want to add information into your phone, check with your local advisors for that information. I have also found it helpful when I'm seeing another Dr or in a hospital when I have to give them my medical history, especially what RX's I'm taking and the amounts.
One other thing I would like to mention is having Bipolar Disorder or any other kind of mental disorder, we often self medicate our selves with street drugs. Being honest with Dr's is the best thing for every one. They can't tell any one (if your worried ask them first) and they will be able to help yo better. Some time RX drugs can have a bad reaction with other drugs.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Stress can depress
It's amazing that one small thing in life that's stressful, when not dealt with can cause so much pain in so many other areas of life.
I've been having back pains the past few months so bad that it wakes me up every few hours. If that doesn't wake me my night mares do. I've had so many other problems and had no idea what to do about it, I was going crazy again not being able to sleep.
Almost two yrs ago I had an accident in a store due to a faulty stool where I fractured my elbow and it took 1 1/2 yrs to heal. When this happened I said to myself that this is something I'm not going to let them get away with like I have with every one in the past. This ended up putting so much pressure on me. Since I couldn't do any thing with the claim at that point I buried my anger so I could get on with my life.
A long time has past and I finally forced myself to start dealing with it by filling the claim. As soon as I did this fog lifted off me. My back cracked with ever move I made and I was able to think so clearly. I couldn't believe how one thing caused all of my problems, some thing that I wouldn't even have thought of. I was making a bigger deal out of this than it really was.
Isn't it true that there are so many times that we procrastinate on doing some thing that it weighs on our head so heavy, it impairs us from doing other stuff in our lives.
I've been having back pains the past few months so bad that it wakes me up every few hours. If that doesn't wake me my night mares do. I've had so many other problems and had no idea what to do about it, I was going crazy again not being able to sleep.
Almost two yrs ago I had an accident in a store due to a faulty stool where I fractured my elbow and it took 1 1/2 yrs to heal. When this happened I said to myself that this is something I'm not going to let them get away with like I have with every one in the past. This ended up putting so much pressure on me. Since I couldn't do any thing with the claim at that point I buried my anger so I could get on with my life.
A long time has past and I finally forced myself to start dealing with it by filling the claim. As soon as I did this fog lifted off me. My back cracked with ever move I made and I was able to think so clearly. I couldn't believe how one thing caused all of my problems, some thing that I wouldn't even have thought of. I was making a bigger deal out of this than it really was.
Isn't it true that there are so many times that we procrastinate on doing some thing that it weighs on our head so heavy, it impairs us from doing other stuff in our lives.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Bipolar, is it a disorder?
This is a short continuation of my previous post. I got this title after hearing the very popular, 'Psychosis Sucks' and keep thinking that we should make an effort to look at some of the positive attributes this disorder may bring.
I know that we all face many challenges especially within this society but I would like to explore the doors that it may open for me and you. 'How do I use this for my advantage' and challenge you to do the same. It's hard to see out of this tornado of emotions and perspectives when it seems I'm usually stuck some where in that wind but I would like to take a step and push forward to find positivity in all of this.
What do you think?
I know that we all face many challenges especially within this society but I would like to explore the doors that it may open for me and you. 'How do I use this for my advantage' and challenge you to do the same. It's hard to see out of this tornado of emotions and perspectives when it seems I'm usually stuck some where in that wind but I would like to take a step and push forward to find positivity in all of this.
What do you think?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Don't be pissed, this may be a gift
When I was diagnosed as mentally ill, I read on the Internet and felt from Dr's that spiritualism is an illusion as well as a lot of other feelings I had been having was only a symptom of my illness. At the time I had no one to tell me any thing different, I questioned my faith and every thing I have believed as truth my whole life.
I started to question myself. Since I was 'mentally ill' I must be the one who's crazy and maybee some of the things around me aren't real. Once I questioned one thing, that lead to another thing and another. That in itself was making me crazy! I doubted my perseption of the whole world. I focused on this and let other people take advantage of my fear and vonerable state.
People with bipolar disorder are unique people and don't fit into the regular mold, similar to someone in school with ADD who learns differently than others. Today's society caiter's to the majority excluding others that can't conform. This society is not set up so that we can live naturally, for ex: our sleeping patterns are different from what comes natural to us, the way we were designed. I could go on.
We who have bipolar disorder are gifted! I'm going to list some of the gifts I have so you can look for them in yourself. I see things in a unique perspective than other people which helps me solve problems and am able to help others to see things in a different way. This can even be an asset in a job. Being artistic comes naturally to me. For me it's painting. Most people would have to do more schooling for things that come naturally to me. I feel I have the gift of feeling and hearing God and the spiritual realm around me. You may relate to some of these examples of my gifts and have some more benefits you can think of and share. I used to read website after site and it brought me down.
Finally I realised, partly with the help of The Icarus Project's site, the link is on my home page, when I stopped struggling within this society to be like every one else and learnt how to exercise my gifts, it often gives me the upper hand, a unique edge.
I will briefly go into something I've learned about people's fear of seeking professional help. This is something I will further go into another time. The majority of fears are that Doctors will give medication that will interfere with a spiritual connection, artistic talent, one's personality and the medication will mess up you brain even more. This doesn't have to be the case. There are so many advances and if you get a referral from your Pd Dr to a good Phyc Dr that you feel comfortable with and voice your concerns and be in charge of the medications you take.
I would also like to mention that not every one with bipolar disorder has to take prescription drugs. There is cognitive therapy and natural ways like vitamins which can help depending on the degree of your illness. I still would suggest seeing your Dr. in any case and go on prescription medication if you are self medicating yourself through street drugs, alcohol, sex etc.
In Canada most one on one and group counseling is covered by the government if your Dr refers you. If you don't have insurance and can't afford any prescription drugs that are for your mental health, your Dr should have a form you can fill out and the government will pay for it. If you have any problems or need help with information on how to get quality free care ask me.
I started to question myself. Since I was 'mentally ill' I must be the one who's crazy and maybee some of the things around me aren't real. Once I questioned one thing, that lead to another thing and another. That in itself was making me crazy! I doubted my perseption of the whole world. I focused on this and let other people take advantage of my fear and vonerable state.
People with bipolar disorder are unique people and don't fit into the regular mold, similar to someone in school with ADD who learns differently than others. Today's society caiter's to the majority excluding others that can't conform. This society is not set up so that we can live naturally, for ex: our sleeping patterns are different from what comes natural to us, the way we were designed. I could go on.
We who have bipolar disorder are gifted! I'm going to list some of the gifts I have so you can look for them in yourself. I see things in a unique perspective than other people which helps me solve problems and am able to help others to see things in a different way. This can even be an asset in a job. Being artistic comes naturally to me. For me it's painting. Most people would have to do more schooling for things that come naturally to me. I feel I have the gift of feeling and hearing God and the spiritual realm around me. You may relate to some of these examples of my gifts and have some more benefits you can think of and share. I used to read website after site and it brought me down.
Finally I realised, partly with the help of The Icarus Project's site, the link is on my home page, when I stopped struggling within this society to be like every one else and learnt how to exercise my gifts, it often gives me the upper hand, a unique edge.
I will briefly go into something I've learned about people's fear of seeking professional help. This is something I will further go into another time. The majority of fears are that Doctors will give medication that will interfere with a spiritual connection, artistic talent, one's personality and the medication will mess up you brain even more. This doesn't have to be the case. There are so many advances and if you get a referral from your Pd Dr to a good Phyc Dr that you feel comfortable with and voice your concerns and be in charge of the medications you take.
I would also like to mention that not every one with bipolar disorder has to take prescription drugs. There is cognitive therapy and natural ways like vitamins which can help depending on the degree of your illness. I still would suggest seeing your Dr. in any case and go on prescription medication if you are self medicating yourself through street drugs, alcohol, sex etc.
In Canada most one on one and group counseling is covered by the government if your Dr refers you. If you don't have insurance and can't afford any prescription drugs that are for your mental health, your Dr should have a form you can fill out and the government will pay for it. If you have any problems or need help with information on how to get quality free care ask me.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Stuck in the mud?
If you've been in a situation of being sick and are stuck for a while, it becomes harder and harder to get back to your old self. Most of the time the longer you wait the harder and scarier it is to change from your routine no matter how hard you want to. Often people around you will either antagonise you to move on or makes you feel that this is where you'll to stay for the rest of your life'. None of that helps or is true!!!!
Bipolar disorder has depression, being manic is a false scene of energy. When I was at my worst I had no energy to even get off the couch or understand what I was watching on the TV. I was on an extreme scale of depression at that time, coming off of a major long term manic episode. I slowly progressed and learned simple and healthy techniques to create energy so I could start my recovery.
The first step in creating a small bit of energy. Create desires and write them down. They don't necessaryly have to be something achievable. For ex, live in a castle, get a job, have a family, fly like in the guy in 'Heroes'. This will give you enough energy to create goals, short term achievable ones and long term possibly achievable ones. Every goal you concur the more energy you'll have to achieve the next one.
Often people get stuck in one place in life because of your illness. You know or may not know that you really can go further that where you are, be like any one else and may exceed them depending on how you look at things. It is a hard hole to climb out of but you can. Write me to let me know what some of your advice.
For me It's especially hard knowing who I was before and what I may be capable of. Feeling as though I lost so many years struggling to become stable. I ignored being bipolar for so long that I just crashed. The movie 'Milk' helped me see that it's never to late to start again and at that moment I allowed myself to think of a future.
I thought of things I could and wanted to do. All those ideas ended up frustrating and depressing me. Then one day I had clarity to organise those ideas in an order of a time line. I wrote them all down and realised what I should be working on first. I had a handful of other projects I put in the category of 'desires'. Hmm it became so much more simple to me. If I only did one or two out of six desires in the future, that would be a great accomplishment!
Most people struggle to some degree with these feelings whether they have a mental illness or not. Share some of your experiences, advice or questions.
Bipolar disorder has depression, being manic is a false scene of energy. When I was at my worst I had no energy to even get off the couch or understand what I was watching on the TV. I was on an extreme scale of depression at that time, coming off of a major long term manic episode. I slowly progressed and learned simple and healthy techniques to create energy so I could start my recovery.
The first step in creating a small bit of energy. Create desires and write them down. They don't necessaryly have to be something achievable. For ex, live in a castle, get a job, have a family, fly like in the guy in 'Heroes'. This will give you enough energy to create goals, short term achievable ones and long term possibly achievable ones. Every goal you concur the more energy you'll have to achieve the next one.
Often people get stuck in one place in life because of your illness. You know or may not know that you really can go further that where you are, be like any one else and may exceed them depending on how you look at things. It is a hard hole to climb out of but you can. Write me to let me know what some of your advice.
For me It's especially hard knowing who I was before and what I may be capable of. Feeling as though I lost so many years struggling to become stable. I ignored being bipolar for so long that I just crashed. The movie 'Milk' helped me see that it's never to late to start again and at that moment I allowed myself to think of a future.
I thought of things I could and wanted to do. All those ideas ended up frustrating and depressing me. Then one day I had clarity to organise those ideas in an order of a time line. I wrote them all down and realised what I should be working on first. I had a handful of other projects I put in the category of 'desires'. Hmm it became so much more simple to me. If I only did one or two out of six desires in the future, that would be a great accomplishment!
Most people struggle to some degree with these feelings whether they have a mental illness or not. Share some of your experiences, advice or questions.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Finnding Your Safe and Happy Place
I had to move back home when I was diagnosed, which is a full days drive. I've gotten a lot better but there's one thing that is holding me back. I don't have any of my old friends here or any familiar places to go that has a good memory attached with it, when I was healthy. What do I do? Move back?
It's hard to create good memories because of a lack of motivation. It's hard to get out there and find new friends when the world, most of all the city I live in doesn't motivate me to be happy. There isn't a prescription drug I can take to make me over come this problem. Do you feel this way?
Now that it's spring and the weather is good, I think I'll try and go to a park. I'll look for a tree I find interesting and read or draw under it. I hope this will be a good step in finding that safe and happy place.
It's hard to create good memories because of a lack of motivation. It's hard to get out there and find new friends when the world, most of all the city I live in doesn't motivate me to be happy. There isn't a prescription drug I can take to make me over come this problem. Do you feel this way?
Now that it's spring and the weather is good, I think I'll try and go to a park. I'll look for a tree I find interesting and read or draw under it. I hope this will be a good step in finding that safe and happy place.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Trusting Youself
I depend on two people in my life that I trust to let me know if I show signs of unbalance where I need to see my Phyc Dr. One is my brother, who is like a best friend and the other is a very close friend who I trust, this partly because his uncle has a mental disorder and he is open minded in many aspects.
I was recently faced with an aggravating skepticism that one of those two people wasn't looking out for my best interest. I questioned my own judgment versus that person's advise on my mental status. I realized he was wrong and was leading me astray. He was going through some of his own problems so he couldn't see mine clearly. He used his position in my life to boast to people how great he helps me and how much he has done for me. To top it all of, he has shared my whole medical history like candy, without my permission.
First of all it's good to have at least two people that your completely honest with and they're educated about your mental illness so if you question one opinion, you can get a second opinion from the other person. Also, don't let people get to you by demeaning you and underestimating your ability to think straight. It takes time after being diagnosed but you can be completely normally or even better than normal again. Some people in my life blame anything and everything I think or do on my bipolar disorder. It's like a letter on my forehead but I have an actual personality, even when I'm taking my prescriptions. It's OK to keep some passion and mood, within the grey area, remember when something interferes with your daily life, that's when you should get help to change it.
Accept help and for it when you need it. Most of all, believe in yourself and your future.
Write back about some of your experiences with your or family's mental illness, especially the problems between other people and you. Let me know of some of your mood swings or any other thing you have on your mind and I'll comment back on it. What are some subjects you would like me to write about?
I was recently faced with an aggravating skepticism that one of those two people wasn't looking out for my best interest. I questioned my own judgment versus that person's advise on my mental status. I realized he was wrong and was leading me astray. He was going through some of his own problems so he couldn't see mine clearly. He used his position in my life to boast to people how great he helps me and how much he has done for me. To top it all of, he has shared my whole medical history like candy, without my permission.
First of all it's good to have at least two people that your completely honest with and they're educated about your mental illness so if you question one opinion, you can get a second opinion from the other person. Also, don't let people get to you by demeaning you and underestimating your ability to think straight. It takes time after being diagnosed but you can be completely normally or even better than normal again. Some people in my life blame anything and everything I think or do on my bipolar disorder. It's like a letter on my forehead but I have an actual personality, even when I'm taking my prescriptions. It's OK to keep some passion and mood, within the grey area, remember when something interferes with your daily life, that's when you should get help to change it.
Accept help and for it when you need it. Most of all, believe in yourself and your future.
Write back about some of your experiences with your or family's mental illness, especially the problems between other people and you. Let me know of some of your mood swings or any other thing you have on your mind and I'll comment back on it. What are some subjects you would like me to write about?
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The BIG reveale!!!
How do we tell people that we have the dreaded bipolar disorder? We all go through this with every one in our lives. It seems we are black listed because of the lack of knowledge and understanding that most people have of this disorder.
Do you tell them? Who should and can you tell? When is it a good time? There are no answers for those questions, only suggestions and trial by error. We have no control over other people's reactions, only a hope that our voice, combined with others, might start to break the stigma of mental disorders.
I've told some friends of my disorder soon after I met them, most didn't want to stick around. Then I thought I'd wait until they got to know me before I told them, still most had a hard time with it and they slowly removed themselves from my life. Even my family's reactions was interesting. Most of them have become more supportive now. I think the hardest reaction for me to deal with is when a friend finds out and doesn't pull away but you know they're looking at you differently. Is that a mercy friend or just some one who is trying there best to understand you while keeping that guard up, waiting for you to go crazy?
Yesterday I told an old friend of mine that I have bipolar disorder and briefly went into some other details of my life. He has been a friend for about 15 yrs but we didn't stay in touch for about 10 of those years because I moved away during that time.
I was trying to put off telling him as long as I could. The biggest fear was that I didn't want to lose this friendship, I had no idea how he'd react. In the past, people who I'd never imagine a bad reaction from, surprised me. It got to the point that not telling him would harm our relationship so I rolled the dice.
So far it's all good. :) There is a lot of effort that goes into worrying about what other people will think.
Do you tell them? Who should and can you tell? When is it a good time? There are no answers for those questions, only suggestions and trial by error. We have no control over other people's reactions, only a hope that our voice, combined with others, might start to break the stigma of mental disorders.
I've told some friends of my disorder soon after I met them, most didn't want to stick around. Then I thought I'd wait until they got to know me before I told them, still most had a hard time with it and they slowly removed themselves from my life. Even my family's reactions was interesting. Most of them have become more supportive now. I think the hardest reaction for me to deal with is when a friend finds out and doesn't pull away but you know they're looking at you differently. Is that a mercy friend or just some one who is trying there best to understand you while keeping that guard up, waiting for you to go crazy?
Yesterday I told an old friend of mine that I have bipolar disorder and briefly went into some other details of my life. He has been a friend for about 15 yrs but we didn't stay in touch for about 10 of those years because I moved away during that time.
I was trying to put off telling him as long as I could. The biggest fear was that I didn't want to lose this friendship, I had no idea how he'd react. In the past, people who I'd never imagine a bad reaction from, surprised me. It got to the point that not telling him would harm our relationship so I rolled the dice.
So far it's all good. :) There is a lot of effort that goes into worrying about what other people will think.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Christmas Ho's, or No's
Today is Boxing Day and I'm not quite sure what it's supposed to feel like. One year it was actually boxing, I mean moving day, into another house and all the other times there was just stress from every one's expectations that could never be met.
I paint. I paint a lot. I have found that's the one thing that keeps me sane. When I'm overwhelmed, stick me in a corner with some brushes, paint and hope there's canvas b/c I don't care where the mess lands. I can shut the world out, breath, have a flowing train of thought that is not directly focused on my issues. It's not just only that I get out my frustrations through it, it's that the emotional knots, like in my back, relax so I can think clearly. The swirly thoughts in my head and emotions flow through my body and I focus on my painting and may solve some problems not even thinking about it.
I can't paint to just paint, it has to be for some one or for myself, expressing what I can't vocalize in words. Today I feel like I can let go, and sell a painting of mine that describes my journey. This is because I'm letting go of that visualization.
The black background forces your eye to an attractive naked women with the head of a pin-up girl who easily rests in a champagne glass as if it were one of those old, spacious armchairs that your Grandmother had. Her right arm is elegantly and forceless while raised over her body holding a bouquet of broken hearts, mirroring themselves to be tulips. The other arm relaxes, hanging over the edge of the glass while still being in control.
How many times have you shown that face while your tearing apart inside? The pressures of this season is my most challenging. I want so bad to put that face on so I can attempt to please other's expectations but I have to stop that even though the pain of their disappointment feels so great now, maybe I can salvage some good feelings for this season for the future.
No matter what I say or do to my family, warning them that I may not take part of every tradition, their disappointment and my guilt will unfold if I'm not capable of performing. This year I've decided to start and heal my future Christmas' and live with the consequences, a temporary pain, and say NO.
I paint. I paint a lot. I have found that's the one thing that keeps me sane. When I'm overwhelmed, stick me in a corner with some brushes, paint and hope there's canvas b/c I don't care where the mess lands. I can shut the world out, breath, have a flowing train of thought that is not directly focused on my issues. It's not just only that I get out my frustrations through it, it's that the emotional knots, like in my back, relax so I can think clearly. The swirly thoughts in my head and emotions flow through my body and I focus on my painting and may solve some problems not even thinking about it.
I can't paint to just paint, it has to be for some one or for myself, expressing what I can't vocalize in words. Today I feel like I can let go, and sell a painting of mine that describes my journey. This is because I'm letting go of that visualization.
The black background forces your eye to an attractive naked women with the head of a pin-up girl who easily rests in a champagne glass as if it were one of those old, spacious armchairs that your Grandmother had. Her right arm is elegantly and forceless while raised over her body holding a bouquet of broken hearts, mirroring themselves to be tulips. The other arm relaxes, hanging over the edge of the glass while still being in control.
How many times have you shown that face while your tearing apart inside? The pressures of this season is my most challenging. I want so bad to put that face on so I can attempt to please other's expectations but I have to stop that even though the pain of their disappointment feels so great now, maybe I can salvage some good feelings for this season for the future.
No matter what I say or do to my family, warning them that I may not take part of every tradition, their disappointment and my guilt will unfold if I'm not capable of performing. This year I've decided to start and heal my future Christmas' and live with the consequences, a temporary pain, and say NO.
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