Looking over the past few years of my life I have blanketed myself under the expression, 'I'd rather be alone with myself than lonely with some one else.' I thought it was quite cleaver to discover this and it worked out so well that it almost seemed to have a religious affect on my life.
I'm a little older now where people have gone beyond asking, 'when are you getting married,' to family desperately pleading for me to procreate with any suitable match that they discovered while attending a social group here and there, talking with potential mothers......grandmothers, OK not that old I think.
So many people I know feel alone not necessarily because they have no partner but from not having a general closeness to others. I hear and use reasons why like, I have higher standards for people, etc, etc, but where is the line of cautious and scarred?
I have 'learned' so many past lessons that has made me ridiculously cautious of people while I still quietly hold on to my curiosity of excitement and danger. It's the 'program' in my head of what I learned that has surrounded my mind with a barrier in which I won't let any one else get in. I can make myself sound great by saying I have such a high standard for friends and will never settle, but that's a bunch of bull-shit!
I'm comfortable with being lonely and don't want to take the chance, as long as I can blame my loneliness on some one else. I have been deciding to be lonely over taking risks. I'm making excuses that sound great for my actions while I'm covering up the fear I have. Am I comfortable?
I see many of my friends feeling a similar way. Some things are comfortable, even things that aren't good for us so we have to deside to first recognize it, then do some thing about it.
