Thursday, February 18, 2010

Noise and Nerves

Different noises can effect anyone's nerves in different ways. When some one has a anxiety disorder or other mental illness like Bipolar disorder, noises most likely effect them more.

No matter how healthy I become, certain noises drive me up the wall and others almost make me feel crazy again. I used to work in a lab which had machines going all day. Even though it wasn't loud the grinding and humming made me feel like crawling up a wall.

Right now the 2010 winter Olympics are being held in the city where I live and I'm within 15min from about 1/2 of the events. There is excitement in the air, and I can hear live bands playing ever night as well as the fire works, bars, parties and people in the streets from the time it gets dark to about 4:00 in the morning. It's driving me crazy!

The only way I can deal with it is to keep my TV on loud when I go to sleep and spend the night at other people's houses every once and a while.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Am I My Mood Disorder?

I would like the world to look at me and accept and appreciate me with having bipolar disorder. I know that when others look at me and know I have bipolar disorder that they come to conclusions about who I am because of all the stereotypes there are in the world. I fight to bring down those incorrect stereotypes and educate others not to be afraid, or ostracize people like me but some times I have a desire to use the stereotypes to my own advantage. Do I have the right to do that? Is it so bad to want to use what others has disadvantaged me with for my own advantage or benefit?

Some people close to me hear my opinionated ways and blame my actions and reactions on my mental illness when it may not be that, it may just be who I am and they don't like my views. This is one exaple that makes me feel that if every one else is giving an excuse for what they don't like about me, why can't I do and say things that aren't pc and blame it on my mental illness?

Why can't I use this to my advantage in my life? It lessens my responsibilities for my actions and the words I say. I do know that there is a limit that needs to be followed though.

This is some of my thoughts that go through my head when I'm tired of fighting. I get so tired of being a strong person in the way of not using bipolar disorder as an excuse or obstacle that makes my life look as meaningful and productive as others.