The last time I went on a major overseas trip was when I was 15 yrs old. It was to Uganda, Africa with my school. My school was sponsoring an orphanage and school there and had a program where we could finish our semester in a shorter time, get credit for going there and enable us to be taught lessons that we could never be taught in Canada while allowing us to affect the lives of others through service. Because this trip I took, meant that I worked hard for the money and also received support of my family and friends. It encompassed my life for a year before I left, after I came home I felt displaced and went into depression. I realized that having such a big goal, working so hard for that goal, the goal consuming my whole life, when I achieved the goal there was nothing left.
This time when I planned my trip, one of the things I was aware of was how it would impact me seeing another culture and it's impact on my views on my own culture, so having a goal to make for this trip and afterwards was important. When I was away I was looking for clarity on perception change, how my experiences would affect my life, instead of just going with each feeling and emotion without any internal analyzation.
My goals for when I came home were subject to change depending on what I learned on my trip. One goal has to do with organization in my home and the other with my focus at work. This gave me a purpose instead of having an empty loneliness that comes from a habit of building something that is already done. Another goal was the progression within my life. I need to find a place to live with more room, a healthier environment and succeed at work or find work that will have an environment of success for me.
Another thing I faced was not having enough pills to remain on my schedule because I stayed an extra week and a half. I had to cut them in half so they would last until I got home. I had moments of depression and paranoia.
When I go on vacation, I always bring extra pills just in case. A place like Indonesia doesn't have the same kind of Dr's if you need to get help there so you need to put in place support before you go. I think the Internet is awesome! I was able to Skype friends and family back home when I was feeling uneasy and knew if I really needed to talk with my Phyc Dr, I could as long as I stayed up late at night, because of the time difference.
When I felt anxiety and all my other symptoms of bipolar disorder, one thing that helped was going for a long walk on the beach. Exercise has helped me at home and it helped me there.The interesting thing for me is how I dealt with my symptoms. I got stressed where my anxiety started to take control, I became paranoid where I thought people were against me and there were intruders all around, and I had moments of depression affecting my will to move and get out of bed. Through all of this I fought back, I kept in my mind how I feel normally now and kept perspective of what I know is real versus what I felt. Some of you don't have the luxury of feeling in control or normal, that can come in time. For those of you who have more good days than bad or are able to remember happiness and control on your life, hold on to that as a center or grounding when you feel crazy emotions that aren't real, that aren't you.
Going on this trip helped me see my strengths as well as weaknesses. It was long enough to make me love the medical care I get from my country and stability I'm able to have by being able to make and keep a schedule. I will miss the people, warm weather and ocean. It helped me relax and listen to the sounds of earth and nature as well as see it. Enjoy the moment and see the beauty in front of me. There are differences in all our cultures, some good and some bad but in the end we are very similar.
