Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Comments
I want to write a short note about how important it is for readers to comment on my blogs no matter how short or long it is. I like feed back from you answering questions or any comments you may have on how I can improve my blog. It's also good for readers and me to know if some one else out there relates to what ever I'm writing about. If you want to have a discussion or debate on any topic please feel free.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Buffer's
Buffers
A Buffer is a cushion that is used to help in situations that you may not feel comfortable or safe in. Most often they are people but can also be techniques. The most important thing about a buffer is that you put it in place before you need it.
My most used and simple buffer is the wash room. I have a hard time in public so I can get very agitated, emotional as well as all the other feelings that come with Bipolar Disorder. If I feel it's too much for me, I find a bathroom to hide in. I'm able to have 'alone time' and calm down while thinking of what I should do when I come out.
I have a large extended family. We come together a few times a year. This is one of the hardest things for me b/c of my fear of crowds and also b/c of emotional issues with family in my past. I've been able to cope with a little pre planning. I pre arrange a friend I can call during the event to blow off steam. As soon as I arrive, I look for places to escape like a bathroom or bedroom if I need to get away from the crowed. If it's possible I let at least one person I know what my difficulties are so they can help if need.
An escape plan is key. Pre plan a reason why you need to leave early before the event. Last year I went to my cousins wedding. For personal reasons I was having such a hard time with wedding stuff to the point that I saw a pic of her dress and it messed me up. The wedding was for my younger female cousin, all my cousins are older and boys, so I wanted to be there so bad.
For a year I worked on past emotions so I could come to her wedding. The ceremony was difficult for me but I kept it together until almost the end of the reception. This was like the perfect storm for me, a wedding and my family together.
My immediate family knew how hard this was going to be for me so they kept their eye on me. There was a point after dinner and before the cake when I couldn't hold it in any more. I was holding so much in that when the flood gates would open. I went to the wash room and never came back. Thankfully my Mom was thinking of me and got the rest of us together (immediate family) right away. She even physically sheltered me, my red face from sobbing, from other people. It really shocked me not only what my Mom did but how every one who knew, were so understanding.
Another little family gathering one of my Aunts was hitting on a nerve and all my emotions between wrath and sadness were about to blow. We were already starting to get into it but I pulled myself away. I grabbed another Aunt's arm, who was married into the family, and pulled her in the wash room with me. I bitched and balled until I was done. LOL
When I was done my eyes were red but didn't really care. There was a line for the wash room and I found enjoyment in that. My Aunt that went in with me are closer now and each time I go into a situation like this it becomes easier.
Use your Dr as a buffer. If you don't have a good Dr already, it's important to find one that you can talk to on a personal level as well. There is information available to them so they can help guide you to solutions.
The Internet is a well known buffer if your reading this. There is specialised support in the form of group therapy. You can be involved in a 24 hr community dealing with your mental illness.
A Buffer is a cushion that is used to help in situations that you may not feel comfortable or safe in. Most often they are people but can also be techniques. The most important thing about a buffer is that you put it in place before you need it.
My most used and simple buffer is the wash room. I have a hard time in public so I can get very agitated, emotional as well as all the other feelings that come with Bipolar Disorder. If I feel it's too much for me, I find a bathroom to hide in. I'm able to have 'alone time' and calm down while thinking of what I should do when I come out.
I have a large extended family. We come together a few times a year. This is one of the hardest things for me b/c of my fear of crowds and also b/c of emotional issues with family in my past. I've been able to cope with a little pre planning. I pre arrange a friend I can call during the event to blow off steam. As soon as I arrive, I look for places to escape like a bathroom or bedroom if I need to get away from the crowed. If it's possible I let at least one person I know what my difficulties are so they can help if need.
An escape plan is key. Pre plan a reason why you need to leave early before the event. Last year I went to my cousins wedding. For personal reasons I was having such a hard time with wedding stuff to the point that I saw a pic of her dress and it messed me up. The wedding was for my younger female cousin, all my cousins are older and boys, so I wanted to be there so bad.
For a year I worked on past emotions so I could come to her wedding. The ceremony was difficult for me but I kept it together until almost the end of the reception. This was like the perfect storm for me, a wedding and my family together.
My immediate family knew how hard this was going to be for me so they kept their eye on me. There was a point after dinner and before the cake when I couldn't hold it in any more. I was holding so much in that when the flood gates would open. I went to the wash room and never came back. Thankfully my Mom was thinking of me and got the rest of us together (immediate family) right away. She even physically sheltered me, my red face from sobbing, from other people. It really shocked me not only what my Mom did but how every one who knew, were so understanding.
Another little family gathering one of my Aunts was hitting on a nerve and all my emotions between wrath and sadness were about to blow. We were already starting to get into it but I pulled myself away. I grabbed another Aunt's arm, who was married into the family, and pulled her in the wash room with me. I bitched and balled until I was done. LOL
When I was done my eyes were red but didn't really care. There was a line for the wash room and I found enjoyment in that. My Aunt that went in with me are closer now and each time I go into a situation like this it becomes easier.
Use your Dr as a buffer. If you don't have a good Dr already, it's important to find one that you can talk to on a personal level as well. There is information available to them so they can help guide you to solutions.
The Internet is a well known buffer if your reading this. There is specialised support in the form of group therapy. You can be involved in a 24 hr community dealing with your mental illness.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Journal
A whole lot of people suggest journaling especially when you are going through a difficult emotional period in your life. With some people it comes easy and others very difficult. Starting one is easy but to keep it up for more than a few entries can be difficult if it doesn't come naturally but to find the benefits it's important to find a way to keep it up. Let me know if you need some advice
I have always been able to write down my feelings on paper whether it be a letter to some one that I'm mad at, poems, a journal of some sort. I used to keep a diary until when I had trust in the world that no one would read it, and before I was old enough to have a locked safe to put those things in. One night I found my mom reading my diary. Later in life we talked about it and she said, 'How else was I supposed to know what was going on in your life?'
Now my writing is vague. There is no detail of my life that any one but me can decipher. I write the feeling I'm going through or questions I have. I may note a lesson learnt or recipe I like. I write like it's to a person like a best friend that never goes away, doesn't judge and takes nothing from me.
Over time I saw another benefit I got and now don't primarily look at my journal to let my emotions and thoughts out, instead a mark of where I've come from. When I read back the pages, through the years or even months, I laugh and cry about things I've written, but am always astonished to see the progress I've made especially when I feal I've made none.
In the worst of times, when felling as if in that sticky muck not seeing change, when others bring us down, this is a tool that can change that all around.
I have always been able to write down my feelings on paper whether it be a letter to some one that I'm mad at, poems, a journal of some sort. I used to keep a diary until when I had trust in the world that no one would read it, and before I was old enough to have a locked safe to put those things in. One night I found my mom reading my diary. Later in life we talked about it and she said, 'How else was I supposed to know what was going on in your life?'
Now my writing is vague. There is no detail of my life that any one but me can decipher. I write the feeling I'm going through or questions I have. I may note a lesson learnt or recipe I like. I write like it's to a person like a best friend that never goes away, doesn't judge and takes nothing from me.
Over time I saw another benefit I got and now don't primarily look at my journal to let my emotions and thoughts out, instead a mark of where I've come from. When I read back the pages, through the years or even months, I laugh and cry about things I've written, but am always astonished to see the progress I've made especially when I feal I've made none.
In the worst of times, when felling as if in that sticky muck not seeing change, when others bring us down, this is a tool that can change that all around.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I.C.E. Card
It is very important to have an I.C.E card, 'in case of an emergency'. This is a card that will let a Dr. know important information during an emergency or a time when you can't remember important information.
Making this kind of card is easy. It should be the size of your driver's licence preferably laminated. Write or print your name, Dr.(s) information, emergency contact person, allergies, medication your on and any other medical information you think is relevant.
I know in Canada and the USA that Dr's will look for this information in your wallet behind your drivers licence. If you want to add information into your phone, check with your local advisors for that information. I have also found it helpful when I'm seeing another Dr or in a hospital when I have to give them my medical history, especially what RX's I'm taking and the amounts.
One other thing I would like to mention is having Bipolar Disorder or any other kind of mental disorder, we often self medicate our selves with street drugs. Being honest with Dr's is the best thing for every one. They can't tell any one (if your worried ask them first) and they will be able to help yo better. Some time RX drugs can have a bad reaction with other drugs.
Making this kind of card is easy. It should be the size of your driver's licence preferably laminated. Write or print your name, Dr.(s) information, emergency contact person, allergies, medication your on and any other medical information you think is relevant.
I know in Canada and the USA that Dr's will look for this information in your wallet behind your drivers licence. If you want to add information into your phone, check with your local advisors for that information. I have also found it helpful when I'm seeing another Dr or in a hospital when I have to give them my medical history, especially what RX's I'm taking and the amounts.
One other thing I would like to mention is having Bipolar Disorder or any other kind of mental disorder, we often self medicate our selves with street drugs. Being honest with Dr's is the best thing for every one. They can't tell any one (if your worried ask them first) and they will be able to help yo better. Some time RX drugs can have a bad reaction with other drugs.
Stress can depress
It's amazing that one small thing in life that's stressful, when not dealt with can cause so much pain in so many other areas of life.
I've been having back pains the past few months so bad that it wakes me up every few hours. If that doesn't wake me my night mares do. I've had so many other problems and had no idea what to do about it, I was going crazy again not being able to sleep.
Almost two yrs ago I had an accident in a store due to a faulty stool where I fractured my elbow and it took 1 1/2 yrs to heal. When this happened I said to myself that this is something I'm not going to let them get away with like I have with every one in the past. This ended up putting so much pressure on me. Since I couldn't do any thing with the claim at that point I buried my anger so I could get on with my life.
A long time has past and I finally forced myself to start dealing with it by filling the claim. As soon as I did this fog lifted off me. My back cracked with ever move I made and I was able to think so clearly. I couldn't believe how one thing caused all of my problems, some thing that I wouldn't even have thought of. I was making a bigger deal out of this than it really was.
Isn't it true that there are so many times that we procrastinate on doing some thing that it weighs on our head so heavy, it impairs us from doing other stuff in our lives.
I've been having back pains the past few months so bad that it wakes me up every few hours. If that doesn't wake me my night mares do. I've had so many other problems and had no idea what to do about it, I was going crazy again not being able to sleep.
Almost two yrs ago I had an accident in a store due to a faulty stool where I fractured my elbow and it took 1 1/2 yrs to heal. When this happened I said to myself that this is something I'm not going to let them get away with like I have with every one in the past. This ended up putting so much pressure on me. Since I couldn't do any thing with the claim at that point I buried my anger so I could get on with my life.
A long time has past and I finally forced myself to start dealing with it by filling the claim. As soon as I did this fog lifted off me. My back cracked with ever move I made and I was able to think so clearly. I couldn't believe how one thing caused all of my problems, some thing that I wouldn't even have thought of. I was making a bigger deal out of this than it really was.
Isn't it true that there are so many times that we procrastinate on doing some thing that it weighs on our head so heavy, it impairs us from doing other stuff in our lives.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Bipolar, is it a disorder?
This is a short continuation of my previous post. I got this title after hearing the very popular, 'Psychosis Sucks' and keep thinking that we should make an effort to look at some of the positive attributes this disorder may bring.
I know that we all face many challenges especially within this society but I would like to explore the doors that it may open for me and you. 'How do I use this for my advantage' and challenge you to do the same. It's hard to see out of this tornado of emotions and perspectives when it seems I'm usually stuck some where in that wind but I would like to take a step and push forward to find positivity in all of this.
What do you think?
I know that we all face many challenges especially within this society but I would like to explore the doors that it may open for me and you. 'How do I use this for my advantage' and challenge you to do the same. It's hard to see out of this tornado of emotions and perspectives when it seems I'm usually stuck some where in that wind but I would like to take a step and push forward to find positivity in all of this.
What do you think?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Don't be pissed, this may be a gift
When I was diagnosed as mentally ill, I read on the Internet and felt from Dr's that spiritualism is an illusion as well as a lot of other feelings I had been having was only a symptom of my illness. At the time I had no one to tell me any thing different, I questioned my faith and every thing I have believed as truth my whole life.
I started to question myself. Since I was 'mentally ill' I must be the one who's crazy and maybee some of the things around me aren't real. Once I questioned one thing, that lead to another thing and another. That in itself was making me crazy! I doubted my perseption of the whole world. I focused on this and let other people take advantage of my fear and vonerable state.
People with bipolar disorder are unique people and don't fit into the regular mold, similar to someone in school with ADD who learns differently than others. Today's society caiter's to the majority excluding others that can't conform. This society is not set up so that we can live naturally, for ex: our sleeping patterns are different from what comes natural to us, the way we were designed. I could go on.
We who have bipolar disorder are gifted! I'm going to list some of the gifts I have so you can look for them in yourself. I see things in a unique perspective than other people which helps me solve problems and am able to help others to see things in a different way. This can even be an asset in a job. Being artistic comes naturally to me. For me it's painting. Most people would have to do more schooling for things that come naturally to me. I feel I have the gift of feeling and hearing God and the spiritual realm around me. You may relate to some of these examples of my gifts and have some more benefits you can think of and share. I used to read website after site and it brought me down.
Finally I realised, partly with the help of The Icarus Project's site, the link is on my home page, when I stopped struggling within this society to be like every one else and learnt how to exercise my gifts, it often gives me the upper hand, a unique edge.
I will briefly go into something I've learned about people's fear of seeking professional help. This is something I will further go into another time. The majority of fears are that Doctors will give medication that will interfere with a spiritual connection, artistic talent, one's personality and the medication will mess up you brain even more. This doesn't have to be the case. There are so many advances and if you get a referral from your Pd Dr to a good Phyc Dr that you feel comfortable with and voice your concerns and be in charge of the medications you take.
I would also like to mention that not every one with bipolar disorder has to take prescription drugs. There is cognitive therapy and natural ways like vitamins which can help depending on the degree of your illness. I still would suggest seeing your Dr. in any case and go on prescription medication if you are self medicating yourself through street drugs, alcohol, sex etc.
In Canada most one on one and group counseling is covered by the government if your Dr refers you. If you don't have insurance and can't afford any prescription drugs that are for your mental health, your Dr should have a form you can fill out and the government will pay for it. If you have any problems or need help with information on how to get quality free care ask me.
I started to question myself. Since I was 'mentally ill' I must be the one who's crazy and maybee some of the things around me aren't real. Once I questioned one thing, that lead to another thing and another. That in itself was making me crazy! I doubted my perseption of the whole world. I focused on this and let other people take advantage of my fear and vonerable state.
People with bipolar disorder are unique people and don't fit into the regular mold, similar to someone in school with ADD who learns differently than others. Today's society caiter's to the majority excluding others that can't conform. This society is not set up so that we can live naturally, for ex: our sleeping patterns are different from what comes natural to us, the way we were designed. I could go on.
We who have bipolar disorder are gifted! I'm going to list some of the gifts I have so you can look for them in yourself. I see things in a unique perspective than other people which helps me solve problems and am able to help others to see things in a different way. This can even be an asset in a job. Being artistic comes naturally to me. For me it's painting. Most people would have to do more schooling for things that come naturally to me. I feel I have the gift of feeling and hearing God and the spiritual realm around me. You may relate to some of these examples of my gifts and have some more benefits you can think of and share. I used to read website after site and it brought me down.
Finally I realised, partly with the help of The Icarus Project's site, the link is on my home page, when I stopped struggling within this society to be like every one else and learnt how to exercise my gifts, it often gives me the upper hand, a unique edge.
I will briefly go into something I've learned about people's fear of seeking professional help. This is something I will further go into another time. The majority of fears are that Doctors will give medication that will interfere with a spiritual connection, artistic talent, one's personality and the medication will mess up you brain even more. This doesn't have to be the case. There are so many advances and if you get a referral from your Pd Dr to a good Phyc Dr that you feel comfortable with and voice your concerns and be in charge of the medications you take.
I would also like to mention that not every one with bipolar disorder has to take prescription drugs. There is cognitive therapy and natural ways like vitamins which can help depending on the degree of your illness. I still would suggest seeing your Dr. in any case and go on prescription medication if you are self medicating yourself through street drugs, alcohol, sex etc.
In Canada most one on one and group counseling is covered by the government if your Dr refers you. If you don't have insurance and can't afford any prescription drugs that are for your mental health, your Dr should have a form you can fill out and the government will pay for it. If you have any problems or need help with information on how to get quality free care ask me.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Stuck in the mud?
If you've been in a situation of being sick and are stuck for a while, it becomes harder and harder to get back to your old self. Most of the time the longer you wait the harder and scarier it is to change from your routine no matter how hard you want to. Often people around you will either antagonise you to move on or makes you feel that this is where you'll to stay for the rest of your life'. None of that helps or is true!!!!
Bipolar disorder has depression, being manic is a false scene of energy. When I was at my worst I had no energy to even get off the couch or understand what I was watching on the TV. I was on an extreme scale of depression at that time, coming off of a major long term manic episode. I slowly progressed and learned simple and healthy techniques to create energy so I could start my recovery.
The first step in creating a small bit of energy. Create desires and write them down. They don't necessaryly have to be something achievable. For ex, live in a castle, get a job, have a family, fly like in the guy in 'Heroes'. This will give you enough energy to create goals, short term achievable ones and long term possibly achievable ones. Every goal you concur the more energy you'll have to achieve the next one.
Often people get stuck in one place in life because of your illness. You know or may not know that you really can go further that where you are, be like any one else and may exceed them depending on how you look at things. It is a hard hole to climb out of but you can. Write me to let me know what some of your advice.
For me It's especially hard knowing who I was before and what I may be capable of. Feeling as though I lost so many years struggling to become stable. I ignored being bipolar for so long that I just crashed. The movie 'Milk' helped me see that it's never to late to start again and at that moment I allowed myself to think of a future.
I thought of things I could and wanted to do. All those ideas ended up frustrating and depressing me. Then one day I had clarity to organise those ideas in an order of a time line. I wrote them all down and realised what I should be working on first. I had a handful of other projects I put in the category of 'desires'. Hmm it became so much more simple to me. If I only did one or two out of six desires in the future, that would be a great accomplishment!
Most people struggle to some degree with these feelings whether they have a mental illness or not. Share some of your experiences, advice or questions.
Bipolar disorder has depression, being manic is a false scene of energy. When I was at my worst I had no energy to even get off the couch or understand what I was watching on the TV. I was on an extreme scale of depression at that time, coming off of a major long term manic episode. I slowly progressed and learned simple and healthy techniques to create energy so I could start my recovery.
The first step in creating a small bit of energy. Create desires and write them down. They don't necessaryly have to be something achievable. For ex, live in a castle, get a job, have a family, fly like in the guy in 'Heroes'. This will give you enough energy to create goals, short term achievable ones and long term possibly achievable ones. Every goal you concur the more energy you'll have to achieve the next one.
Often people get stuck in one place in life because of your illness. You know or may not know that you really can go further that where you are, be like any one else and may exceed them depending on how you look at things. It is a hard hole to climb out of but you can. Write me to let me know what some of your advice.
For me It's especially hard knowing who I was before and what I may be capable of. Feeling as though I lost so many years struggling to become stable. I ignored being bipolar for so long that I just crashed. The movie 'Milk' helped me see that it's never to late to start again and at that moment I allowed myself to think of a future.
I thought of things I could and wanted to do. All those ideas ended up frustrating and depressing me. Then one day I had clarity to organise those ideas in an order of a time line. I wrote them all down and realised what I should be working on first. I had a handful of other projects I put in the category of 'desires'. Hmm it became so much more simple to me. If I only did one or two out of six desires in the future, that would be a great accomplishment!
Most people struggle to some degree with these feelings whether they have a mental illness or not. Share some of your experiences, advice or questions.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Finnding Your Safe and Happy Place
I had to move back home when I was diagnosed, which is a full days drive. I've gotten a lot better but there's one thing that is holding me back. I don't have any of my old friends here or any familiar places to go that has a good memory attached with it, when I was healthy. What do I do? Move back?
It's hard to create good memories because of a lack of motivation. It's hard to get out there and find new friends when the world, most of all the city I live in doesn't motivate me to be happy. There isn't a prescription drug I can take to make me over come this problem. Do you feel this way?
Now that it's spring and the weather is good, I think I'll try and go to a park. I'll look for a tree I find interesting and read or draw under it. I hope this will be a good step in finding that safe and happy place.
It's hard to create good memories because of a lack of motivation. It's hard to get out there and find new friends when the world, most of all the city I live in doesn't motivate me to be happy. There isn't a prescription drug I can take to make me over come this problem. Do you feel this way?
Now that it's spring and the weather is good, I think I'll try and go to a park. I'll look for a tree I find interesting and read or draw under it. I hope this will be a good step in finding that safe and happy place.
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